Sometimes we have things happen in life that leave us learning –
…the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” ~ Gilda Radner
Yesterday left me sad and my heart hurting. So much loss and more than just the loss of life. As anyone in the free world with access to the news knows, Robin Williams passed away at the young age of 61. He suffered in ways that perhaps no one will ever be able to understand. He fought an inner battle…an inner demon…that ultimately nothing could make better or make go away. When I read the news of his passing, I was so conflicted. I mourned the loss of not only an amazingly talented actor but an actor who was in so many different movies, television shows and “moments” that were a part of my youth and adulthood. A part of what contributed to my sense of humor. A part of what made me happy. For that I am thankful. I didn’t know him personally. I knew the characters he created and what they meant to me at certain times in my life. My first memories were of one of my favorite shows (a close second behind the Muppet Show) in Mork and Mindy. “Nanu Nanu” was a frequent phrase from my young self. He created moments and memories from my early childhood that make me think of my parents and our family friends. For that I will forever be thankful.
Yet his passing makes me sad. For more reasons than just losing an amazing talent. It makes me sad and my heart hurt and my soul angry that someone suffered in silence. I’ve lost unfortunately several friends to suicide. Two in the past year in fact. They were all in so much pain for different reasons, that the only choice…the only thing to make the pain go away was to end their lives. We can all question why and we do. Could we have done more? Did we miss a cry for help? I am sad that another human being (even one that I do not know) had to experience that desperation….and for his family that he left behind. I miss my friends.
Just prior to hearing the news of Robin Williams, I received a call from my Dad letting me know that a family friends wife passed away very suddenly just a couple of weeks prior. She died from the same type of seizure that ultimately killed her own mother and she had always lived with a bit of fear that the same thing would happen to her. She was 37 years old. She left behind an amazing husband and two beautiful children. Her passing makes me sad….my heart hurt…my soul angry. 37….
Perhaps selfishly, I always try to learn something from what happens to me or around me in life. So much loss…so much sadness… right this moment, I choose to –
LIVE MY LIFE IN ALL CAPS!
With the uncertainty we face in life…the delicious ambiguity…I choose to embrace each day with all the opportunity that it offers. My hope is that if someone in my life or even perhaps a stranger is in pain, that I can be kind. I may not be able to save them but I hope and pray that by living my life with intention and kindness, that I may give them a moment of their own delicious ambiguity.
We have lost beautiful people… some, like Robin, knew struggle and suffering and couldn’t find his way out. Some like our friend Tabatha were taken too soon. Either way, as I LIVE THIS DAY IN ALL CAPS, I accept this touching reminder from Elizabeth Kubler Ross from her book, “On Death and Dying”, that “beautiful people do not just happen”. Nanu Nanu Robin. Rest in peace dear Tabatha. Live on my friends with delicious ambiguity and an “understanding of life that fills you with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern.”